VEGETA IS GOD
by Calfie
Summary: VEGETA IS GOD AND IF YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU ARE A FOOL.
1. Stories 1 thru 5

**THIS STORY CONTAINS **yaoi**, **bold letters, het, Chi-Chi, bodily fluids, **AND **poorly-written porn. **VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.**

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Vegeta is a god. If you did not know that, you are obviously not a fan of DBZ. Either that or you own a penis and you do not wish to stick it up his ass. Shame on you.

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Vegeta rides down upon his magical thundercloud, wielding a large bronze thunderbolt that magically conducts electricity into the worthless sack of jelly that is your body. With a transcendental crown of laurel and a toga that proves how manly and immortal this Saiyan war god is-- strike that. Vegeta is Zeus. He is the moon, the sky, the Earth, the sun, the entire universe.

He pwns you.

Glorify him. Worship him. Brush his hair.

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**STORY ONE-- SMOOCHY SMOOCHY, KISSY KISSY**

"Smooch, smooch, smooch," said Vegeta as he lavished thousands of wet, sloppy kisses that had lots of tongue slipped in there, upon Bulma. "Smooch, I love you, smooch."

Bulma sat up in her lacy bra, the contents spilling out almost indecently if not for the boobie tassles that covered her nipples. The same rosy nipples that Vegeta liked to pinch and pluck and lick. Only this time she urged Vegeta to kiss her mouth first before traveling southward.

"I must make fiery passionate love to you although I'm an alien prince with no background of being a master lover or a virgin," he moaned as Bulma climbed atop the table and began to put the boobie tassels to work.

Vegeta's eyes turned into swirls and watched her fleshy lumps gyrate like clothes spinning in a washing machine. Yamcha was watching in the window, pervert that he was, and hollered, " Yeah, baby! Shake it like it was 794 AD!"

Vegeta promptly Gallic-gunned his ass and tore off Bulma's pasties, giving her his sly smirk™. Feeling masculine and manly in her dainty, pale arms, Vegeta ripped off his pants, smirked™ again for the zillionth time before Bulma smacked his smirking™ face.

"Stop your damn smirking™ and fuck me already!" she demanded, digging her nails into his sinewy flesh.

Vegeta smirked™ again because he wasn't able to contort his facial muscles into an actual smile. He thrust inside of Bulma's hot, wet, tight, bald, polka-dotted pussy several times before they both succumbed to a blissful orgasm that rocked the very foundations of Akira Toriyama's world. Needless to say volcanoes erupted, earthquakes shook Satan City, and Goku rolled over in his grave.

Vegeta pulled his giant dick out of Bulma, which was now flaccid because he put all his sper-ummm inside her so they could all race to see who could attach to an egg first. A shrimpy sper-ummm made it there first, hissing at the others until they went away.

"Mine! Mine! Mine!" the sper-ummm declared vehemently in a high-pitched voice. Eerily similar to Puar's.

Nine months later, Vegeta pulled the pistol out of his sock drawer upon seeing a strand of lavender hair. The funeral was short and everyone had jelly-filled donuts afterwards because everyone is always hungry after a funeral.

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**STORY TWO-- YAMCHA, THE EVIL VILLAIN GUY OTHERWISE KNOWN AS AN ANTAGONIST**

"Bitch!" screamed Yamcha as he slapped Bulma, sending her crashing into the wall.

The impact of the blow crushed her skull, blood poured out from every orifice in her body, yet she began to cry through her unconsciousness. Yamcha kicked her repeatedly in the stomach until she began to bleed there too, and she lay in a mangled heap after Yamcha snapped her neck.

A couple of hours later, Vegeta sauntered into the house, beams of light illuminating his godliness as he saw his blue-haired goddess bent over sobbing in the corner. Blood crusted her face and her body, but Vegeta didn't care. He scooped her up into his arms, kissing away her tears.

"Did that bastard Yamcha do this to you?"

"Yes! Murder him! Cut his freakin' balls off!" Bulma whooped as Vegeta flew out a window despite the glass that splintered. She slipped out of her damsel-in-distress costume and counted the money she would get for Yamcha's deceased ass on two fingers.

He flew and flew and flew until he found the scoundrel sitting in a bar, smoking a joint and inebriated beyond normal human capacity. Vegeta roundhoused Yamcha's ass, then beat him into a bloody mess. Yamcha's head hung on to his body by a thin strip of skin, but then Vegeta tore off his head and threw it at Tien, Yamcha's homosexual lover.

Tien lamented the loss of his boyfriend, but went back home to the mountains and sodomized with Chiaotzu instead.

"I killed him," Vegeta smirked™ as he carried Bulma back into the house and ravished her.

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**STORY THREE-- UKE VEGETA (more like SAS-UKE VEGETA, amirite?)**

"Oh, Kakarot!" moaned Vegeta as the big, sexy beast named Goku pumped himself into Prince Veggie mercilessly, leaving a whole lot of bodily fluids to stain the sheets and the body of his prince.

"So...tight!" Goku groaned.

"Oh, Kakarot!" Vegeta blushed, hiding demurely behind one his gloves.

"NOM NOM NOM, YOU ARE MINE, VEGGIE," Goku growled as he bit into Vegeta's sexy caramel-colored shoulder which tasted more like sweat and not caramel. "NOM NOM NOM NOM."

Blood spattered everywhere much like the unnamed bodily fluids and they both laid there, spent. That is until Goku sported another massive erection and the author of this story doesn't have any clue about priapism.

"Let's have another round, shall we?" Goku said as he crushed Vegeta's lips to his own.

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**STORY FOUR-- SEME VEGETA **

This does not exist. Kakarot's spoon belongs in Vegeta's jellyjar.

**

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****STORY FIVE-- THE THREESOME PLEASESOME**

"Okay, Kakarot," Vegeta said as he straddled Bulma's hips. "You get behind me, because you're the strongest Saiyan in the entire universe and you probably have more stamina than me."

"Right," Goku agreed as he grabbed Veggie's butt. "Let's get this party started!"

Bulma smirked, but Vegeta smirked™ with his trademark and Bulma frowned. She would have to pay a trip to the patent office, except that the author got all confuzzled and forgot which was a copyright or a trademark. Maybe they were they same thing.

But that doesn't matter though, because the three of them moved like a well-oiled machine. More like a well-sweated machine. Goku's skin slapped against Vegeta, Vegeta's skin slapped against Bulma, and Bulma's skin slapped against the bed.

After they were all done smearing the bed with their bodily fluids, Bulma laid in Vegeta's arms, Vegeta laid in Goku's arms and Goku asked where the cheese was that Vegeta promised him if he would have a threeway with them.

"It's in the fridge, Kakarot."

Goku bounded off to the kitchen upon hearing this.

Miles away, by Mount Paozu, Chi-Chi sat bawling on the recliner, putting in her hair-rollers and smearing facial cream all over her tear-streaked countenance. Goten sat on the floor with Trunks playing kissy-face because Trunks saw "Daddy kissing Kakarot under the mistletoe last night." Gohan was out in Satan City pimping Videl out to various thugs and collecting his money.

Chi-Chi read her yaoi doujinshi and lamented that Bulma always got to be the woman in the threesome. She didn't know why. Chi-Chi had bigger boobs.


	2. Stories 6 thru 8

**STORY SIX -- VEGETA PICKS UP STICKS**

In a cramped space pod, way out in outer space, Vegeta awoke and suddenly felt incredibly horny. So he pressed the telecommunicator button right above his giant forehead.

"Nappa! Wake up, over!" Vegeta shouted over the intercom.

"What is it, Prince Vegeta, over?" Nappa asked, sounding very sleepy and ragged. Almost like a professional wrestler.

"We're going down to that red planet right there. I'm suddenly very horny and only your ass will do, over."

"Yessiree, over," Nappa said before cutting off contact with his prince. "Now I just have to find that lube," he groused as the space pod jetted towards the red planet.

With in moments, Vegeta had wrangled a very passive Nappa to the ground. Feeling very powerful, he pulled down his spandex suit and inserted his engorged member into Nappa's not-very-tight sphincter. It sort of felt like sticking his finger in the opening of a cave. Vegeta continued humping Nappa like a Chihuahua on a Great Dane, and finally creamed all over Nappa.

"Get back in your pod, Nappa!" Vegeta screeched as he wiped the sperm from his cock on Nappa's loincloth and hopped back into his space pod.

"Okay, Prince Vegeta."

One year later, after the arrival on Planet Earth, Nappa blushed when he saw crusty white stuff on his boots, too.

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**STORY SEVEN-- INCESTUOUS HEAVEN**

"Trunks, my son, I believe it's time I teach you about the birds and the bees," Vegeta said, surrounded by unnatural fatherly airs.

Trunks stared down his father warily, taking backward steps until he was backed up against the door and his hand was squeezing the doorknob as tightly as could be. Vegeta patted a spot on the bed next him, running his fingers over it many times. If Vegeta's come-hither look was not obvious enough, he laid back onto the bed, pulling out his enormous penis for the lavender-haired youth to gawk at.

"No way, Dad," Trunks whimpered. "I-If I wanna have butt sex with someone, it'll be Goten." And with that, the troubled young half-saiyan rushed from this weird sex palace that his father had concocted.

"Damned brat," Vegeta muttered as he tucked his cock away. Then a very grinchy grin invaded his grumpy countenance as he walked down the hallway and knocked on a pink-painted door. "What is it, Daddy?" said a squealy voice from outside the room.

"Daddy wants to have a talk with you, Bra..."

Minutes later, Vegeta was taken into custody for statutory rape and incest. And he met Bubba in prison.

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**STORY EIGHT--ONLY PAN-CHAN CAN**

Gohan had decided earlier on that perhaps when Vegeta was released from prison, that he would keep his little Pan away from him. Videl had packed up her bags and moved away, because, frankly, she didn't want to be Gallic-gunned when Vegeta burst through the door and demanded himself some "delicious loli."

So when Vegeta burst through the door ten minutes later, he screamed, "I demand some delicious loli, and Kakarot has informed me that a loli is present in this house."

Gohan suddenly felt very unnerved, but very confident a few minutes later when he had Vegeta pinned to the floor and had ripped the vertebrae straight from Vegeta's back. As Vegeta lay spasming, Gohan emitted a very dark laugh.

"Maybe you should try some delicious cake, instead."

Gohan then hid the body in his recyclables.

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	3. Stories 9 thru 11

**STORY NINE--ALTERNATE UNIVERSITY**

A very obese blue-haired scientist crackled and cried as she emptied another bag of tater chips in the wide, endless chasm that was her mouth. "NOM NOM NOM NOM. I AM OUT OF DELICIOUS CHIPS, NOW I WILL GO GET SOME DELICIOUS CAKE."

On her way to the supermarket, in her electric powerchair, Bulma pulled up to a guy with radishlike hair, wearing shades and a very queer-looking feather earring. As he straddled his motorcycle, wearing a tight leather jacket, gloves and leather pants that packed a tight pair of glutes, Bulma rushed off to the supermarket, devoured her cake and summoned her fairy godmother.

"Fairy godmother, you must rid me of this disgusting appearance lest my twu luv not fall in love with me," Bulma wailed as she inhaled a box of jelly-filled doughnuts in less than seven seconds.

"What is it, dumplin'?" asked the fairy godmother as she picked her teeth with the end of her wand.

"I just said it!" Bulma roared, slamming her fat fists down onto the coffee table. The whole room quaked, the fairy godmother vanished, and Bulma got lost in her clothes because she was normal looking.

The next day when she walked to the supermarket to buy some chips, she had a great idea. "Hi, Vegeta."

"Horny?" he asked coolly, removing his shades and putting them in the breast pocket of his leather jacket. She hadn't noticed it had fringe on it before. How queer.

"Sure am," Bulma said sexily, the way Olivia Newton John did before she sang that song in Grease, at the very end.

So they both got atop his crockrocket and rode off into the sunset, with Bulma dry-humping him all the while. The sun almost never wanted to rise again.

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**STORY TEN--VEGGIE PIE**

"^_^;" said Vegeta.

":)" said Goku.

"Kakarot is so sexy, ^_____^," said Vegeta.

";) I know," said Goku.

Then they had sex.

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**STORY ELEVEN--KINKYNESS: IT'S IN MY BLOOD**

"Okay, Kakarot, the instruction manual says that first I must stick my tail up your ass."

Goku assumed the position, with his ripe, rounded ghetto booty ready for Vegeta to part and transcend the bounds of uke and seme. But Vegeta's iniation into the seme world had been a hard one. Goku wasn't even aware this was just a scheme to make himself the seme.

Vegeta thrust his monkey tail inside of Goku, making Goku giggle. "That tickles, Veggie!"

"Shut up and let me fuck you."

"Such hot words," said the reader to HER/HIIMSELF (the author presumes that you are female, thus adding all the junk).

Then Vegeta took out his penis-tail, and then inserted three different sizes of dildos, and THEN finally inserted his own small penis. Goku did not come the very last time.

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	4. Stories 12 thru 14

A/N: I guess I'll just have a go at everyone.

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**STORY TWELVE--MAGICALLY THE SAME AGE**

"Oh God!" Trunks moaned as he pressed Pan's head between his legs harder; she gagged. "I'm so glad that we're both seventeen, otherwise I'd be registered as a sex offender and I couldn't pick you up from school everyday in my awesome hovercar--OHFUCK!" He cut off as he spewed.

"That's right!" Pan chimed as she wiped cum off her mouth with the back of her hand. "And even though you don't come to highschool and you live in your parents' basement, we can be sexually active!"

Trunks shimmied out of his pants all the way and flipped Pan onto her belly on the bed. "Unf, unf, unf," he said.

"AH--AH--AH!" she screamed.

Lights flashes outside and Trunks zipped himself back up, busting out the window with Pan screaming for him out the window. "What the fuck?!"

"OHSHIT! IT'S THE PARTY VAN!" Trunks bellowed as he soared off to Montreal where his kind was accepted with open arms. Michael Jackson actually had a condo there.

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**STORY THIRTEEN--PRACTICALITY**

"So..um," Goten said sitting on the edge of the bed.

"So...um," Bra replied as she started taking off her bra. She tossed it off onto Goten's head and he coughed.

"So...um." He said as he pulled out his cock and Bra put her boobs around it. "So...ah...titty-fuck? Those are nice...I like them...they're all right."

"Yeah," Bra said. "They're all right."

Goten's cock was flaccid and poor Bra was trying to rub her breats and nipples all over it--she was feeling rather dry today too.

"So...um," they both said as Pan and Trunks asked them how it was the next day.

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**STORY FOURTEEN--CHI-CHI, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE EVIL NASTY BITCH FROM HELL WHO ACTS A SAVAGE BARRIER TO TWU LUV BETWEEN TWO HORNY-AS-HELL SAIYAN MALES**

"THE JIG IS UP, YOU FAGGY FUCKERS!" Chi-chi screeched, brandishing a rolling pin. She stormed into the room and began to thwack Vegeta's radish head until it was sort of caved it and blood was coming out of his nose and mouth in gallons. "DIE, BASTARD, DIE!"

Goku cried and grew angry, his eyes turning red and his Saiyan instincts in as Chi-Chi continued to beat Vegeta's head in. He was not dead, but rather sleeping after all the sex Goku and he had had while Chi-Chi was making dinner.

"DIE, MOTHERFUCKER--"

"Stop it, Chi-Chi, you terrible old battleaxe or I will throw you in the gutter after I rip your nasty head off!" Goku howled as Vegeta turned in his sleep.

"--PIECE OF SHIT, ASSWIPE, CANCER TO MY FAMILY--"

"STOP IT!" Goku screamed, going Super Saiyan 3.

"SHUT UP, PRICK!" Chi-Chi roared like a lion in his face. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!" She swiped the brains off onto her apron angrily before unhinging her jaw again and growing fangs mysteriously. "NOW CLEAN UP THIS MESS BEFORE YOUR RAPE VICTIM WAKES UP! AND HIDE THAT CHLOROFORM RAG!" She pointed to the one on the floor.

"Okay, Chi," he smiled, scratching the back of his head.

When Vegeta woke up he was somewhere in Montreal.

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	5. Story 15 pt 1

**STORY FIFTEEN - FAST TIMES AT ORANGE STAR HIGH (requiem of bulma)**

Mama always said life is like a box of lambskin condoms; you never know what you gonna get when they break.

It just so happens that I — the much sought-after and elusive beauty/ice queen/cumdump for the rich boys, Bulma Briefs — had a broken lambskin condom myself. I'm pregnant, and this wouldn't have happened if that horrible, arrogant, stubborn Vegeta no Ouji (he's one of our schools few princes: Goku no Ouji, Krillin no Ouji, Yamcha no Ouji, Piccolo no Ouji, Tien no Ouji, Chiaotzu no Ouji, Oolong no Ouji; um, there's more but I forget the rest) . . .well, if Vegeta hadn't been allergic to latex!

He's horrible, arrogant, and stubborn! Did I mention that he's horrible, arrogant and stubborn?

Now I'm two hours pregnant, throwing up in the bathroom with my best friends: Chichi is holding the forelock of my hair, Launch is holding the sides and 18 is holding my purse. They're used to it, though, this is part of our daily routine. The girls bathroom is my own personal vomitorium. I have to stay thin for my ultra-super awesome modeling job. But now as I churn stomach acid up through my esophagus, I mean it.

The pregnancy test turned up positive. Oh how will I ever tell Vegeta no Ouji?

**(sonata of chichi)**

I'm in love with a boy. Sssh, it's a secret.

He's so popular, he's one of the princes of our school. I dream about him and draw doodles of us holding hands in my notebook during algebra class. You don't know how many times I've written _Mrs. Chichi Son_ on the back of my binder. Every time I look at him, I want him to look back at me, but he doesn't.

He _doesn't._

And I go home to my happy little home on the hill, and I duct-tape my bedroom door closed. If Daddy breaks through that, then I'll slip up into the attic. He's much too fat to fit up the stairs. So I breath in hot dust particles while Daddy yells and screams at me. If I don't come down for dinner, he'll be angrier than a lust-bitten toad so I humor him. I only get beaten a few times. And the sexual abuse is even less than usual tonight.

It's not so bad.

At least I'm not pregnant.

Not now, anyway.

**(song of launch)**

Tien and I were childhood friends. We stuck together like glue.

That was, until he moved away. Middleschool on I was alone. No one wanted to hang out with a multiple-personality freak. So I took up gang-banging and worked at the Africana hair salon afterschool to earn a little honest money. Only my boss Mr Popo wasn't so honest.

He felt me up for cash. I don't know why I let him – he was one cowering sonnuvabitch when I pressed my machine gun to his temple one night after a brief petting. I smirked and thumbed the trigger. 'Give me what's in your pockets, Popo.' His hands went flying into the golden embroidered vest he wore, you know to make him look like some kind of pimp. He pulled out a chunk of five dollar bills and handed them over with still trembling paw. I saw the fuckin' fear in his eyes as I regarded it with cool distaste, 'That's all you got?'

Unfortunately for me, Popo was a quick think. He knew I was allergic to pomade. He tossed an open jar at my face with such a feral grin on his ruby-red lips that I still have it planted on the backs of my eyelids.

When I woke up, my gun, my (his) money and panties were gone. Gone.

Only a pure soul such as my sweet Tienshinhan can fix this poor, dilapidated sack of sin.

**(solo of 18)**

I grew up in a cold and distant household, much like you see in horror films. My father was a doctor. A Dr Gero. He claimed to have 'created' us, my brother 17 and I.

Most people would admit to being a sperm donor, kidnapping the kids, then moving on. But Dad didn't.

17 and I grew up in a commune of sorts with my father's other 'creations'—there were about 40 of us. Dad hoarded us like cats.

The house always smelled like rust and machine oil – my father did some weird shit in the basement that involved us when we were asleep. 17 and I always dreamed about breaking free of him. And eventually, we did.

We stole, we smoke, we fucked around. I was a wild woman. I tried clothes on and pulled the price tags off. My wardrobe was honestly endless. I never wore the same outfit once. 17 drove the getaway car, but was always hopelessly bored sitting outside the dressing room – so he went out and picked fights with stupid boys who thought he lived wrong. Who swore they'd find out where we slept and beat us there.

Morons. We didn't _have_ a regular sleeping place.

And as it was, I always snuck in early to school – _why_ I was in school in the first place, don't ask – to take a shower in the girls locker room where it stunk so bad like mildew and other various fungi. I actually contracted a bad case of athlete's feet. . . but I'm already pitiful enough so I'll leave that for another time, when I need to up the ante. . .

Anyway, as I was saying, one morning I made the mistake of taking shampoo packets from some dweeb's locker. Had it wide open for my prying eyes.

I was drying my hair in the heater in the hallway when some toady snot – bald head and baseball cap, no nose, no sense of style – turned his wide eyes on me. 'You!' he gasped.

'And you,' I returned.

'You smell like my shampoo!' he said accusingly.

This was not logical. He had no nose. He had no hair. 'How can _you_ smell your shampoo on _me_, when _you_ have no nose? Speaking of which, why do you have shampoo if you have no hair?'

He turned a furious shade of red. 'I'll have you know that's scalp treatment! Not shampoo!'

'Then why did you call it shampoo?'

'It's. . .it's—it's embarrassing!' he cried.

'Well, little bald man, if you're willing to keep secrets, then I'll keep yours,' I stood up and near him. I could feel the heat of his cheek as I leaned in for a peck on him.

'Take care, little man,' I said, sauntering away.

I dream about that little bald man every night. OMG.


	6. Story 15 pt 2

**FAST TIMES AT ORANGE STAR HIGH**

_(vegeta)_

Vegeta no Ouji is my name, being a brutal hunk of bastard is my game. I'm captain of the basketball/football/baseball/tennis/soccer/lacrosse/basically-anything-where-I-get-to-toss-my-balls-around teams. I ride a motorcycle to school and use lambskin condoms when I'm doing the deed with the bitchez because I'm allergic to latex. Oh yeah, I come from a really rich family and it's rumored we're descended from a long line of royalty from Eastern Europe, and somehow we're related to Romas and Gypsies/people who wear funny clothes and tell your fortunes/my grandma is an Irish Traveller.

I can't breathe just yet!

There'sthisgirlthatIlikebutIdon'tknowifshelikesmehername. . .isBulmashe's. . .a goddessIboned–withlambskincondomondick,thankyouverymuch!– Idon'tknow howto tell herImay be a father, but we certainly have the monetary assets seeing as we both come from rich families. . .to. . .huh. . .huh. . . huh. . . raise a tot.

_(goku)_

This morning I was so sad! I went to the cupboards, and wouldn't ya know it, there wasn't a thing in sight. Grandpa says I sleepwalk in the middle of the night and raid the cupboards. . .but I told him that was silly because that's about the only thing I do in my waking hours except for kung-fu! So I'm on a job hunt right now so Grandpa's grocery bills aren't so much and he can make the house payments, else it's going to be foreclosed! Up-up!

I need some food. See you later.

(_tienshinhan_)

I was born to a one-legged prostitute in the east Andies. Her name was Myrtle and she gave a pecha berry to her Squirtle. She flew back to Hogwarts a'wailin' n' from thur it wud smoove sailin'.

(_krillin_)

18. . . oh 18.


	7. Story 15 pt 3

**Warning:** This chapter contains disturbing, graphic, highly fantastical violence and a _very _late-term abortion. What better way to cap-off a dead baby comedy, right?

**FAST TIMES AT ORANGE STAR HIGH, CONCLUSION**

It was at Vegeta's pool party that Bulma decided to tell him about her plan. She was eight months, three and a half weeks preggers. Her distended stomach, located between two swollen sacks of flesh capped with mesh and a triangle of coarse blue pubic hair with a rainbow-coloured string partitioning it, was smeared with cocoa butter and spider-webbed with stretch marks. As she waddled across the threshold, several party-goers felt the blood flow away from their genitals.

Vegeta sat at the picnic table, a straw hat obscuring his eyes. "Bulma," he greeted, not moving.

Grimacing and dropping the beach bag to the concrete, she plopped into a plastic chair beside him. She

ignored Vegeta's snicker as the chair moaned in protest to her weight. "Vegeta," she let out a heavy breath, sticking a ciggy in her mouth. She failed to light her cigarette several times.

"Fuck it," she muttered, flinging the ciggy to the pool. It bobbed placidly before disappearing in a football player's asscrack.

"Enjoying the party?" Vegeta asked.

"It's been a decent five minutes. Let's hope the rest the night follows suite."

She had said this absently, she didn't like the frown growing on Vegeta's face. "What?" she prompted, leaving her mouth hang open and her eyes half-lidded. Vegeta enjoyed this image. This usually meant a blowjob was in the works—but no. Not tonight. There would be no fiddling around with the creature who had once sucked his seed like a Dirt Devil.

"I'm going to be ill-at-ease until I know it's been done," he said, finally.

She waved him off. "Geez, the appointment's tomorrow. Stop worrying."

"But I _am_ worried. . .you see. . .the drinking and the smoking haven't worked, the part-time job a the hatching factory didn't work, the constant death-threats, the cocaine, the boxing lessons, the changing of litter-boxes. . . have amounted to _nothing_!"

She regarded him sternly. "It will be done."

He smirked, nodding. "Indeed it will. Indeed it will... right this very second."

Bulma dropped her martini glass in abject horror. It splintered and spilled all over a young woman doing the worm. She shrieked, running away. "You don't mean—!"

Vegeta gave a wicked grin, his hand lighting with yellow energy. He posed absurdly, like he was in spandex suit or something, and let out a bellow. "GALLIC GUN!"

The blaze of light ripped through Bulma's bulging stomach, hitting it with the force of a fire hose. It immediately stunk of charred flesh and marshmalllows. Bulma screamed, "I THOUGHT I HAD ALTERNATE UNIVERSE IMMUNITY!" And her eyes rolled back in her head, opposite the gaping hole where the majority of her digestive tract and, oh yes, a fetus, had been.

Onlookers gaped for a second, then returned to their activities. 18 resumed playing cards with Krillin, Chi-Chi was desperately trying to pry Goku away from Bulma's charred corpse so he wouldn't eat it, and Lunch, having been rejected by Tienshinhan, settled for taking his wallet.


End file.
